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Sex can often be an expression of love, but what happens when you or someone you love can no longer perform sexually?
That’s the reality that Dave and his husband David faced in 2005 when David’s degenerative neurological condition had become so severe, physical mobility lower than the neck was no longer possible.
“The Daves” were in their mid 40s and had been together for nearly twenty years. Even before gay marriage was legal, they had taken the same vows as if it was, and they were committed to staying together no matter what. While their love remained unchanged, their ability to have sex became impossible due to David’s physical condition. They said they went from having sex 4-6 times a week to nothing over the span of two years. David confessed that, even though he could rationalize that he shouldn’t, he began to feel shadows of guilt creeping in because he was no longer able to give Dave sexual pleasure. As David admitted this to me, Dave stroked the back of David’s head and said that it was fine because he could always jack off and that was way faster anyways. They both smiled, but there was pain behind the eyes at this loss of a major expression of their intimate love and the situational reality that their relationship was on borrowed time as David’s health continued to decline.
Will was my mentor and a close personal friend of The Daves. He mentioned their situation to me over a discussion on how the role of being a bull is, at its core, about being a surrogate for something missing in someone else’s relationship. Sometimes it’s passion, or energy, or a physical difference like having a big dick. And sometimes, it’s much more.
“Will told us that he has been working with you and thought that you’d be able to help us out. I can’t give him (Dave) a good fuck any more. Shit, I can’t even give him bad fuck even if I want to because of this,” David joked, looking down at his wheelchair, before becoming more serious. “But what I can give him is a night with you. I want you to…” He struggled for the right word. “Not ‘fuck’, not ‘make love’, something in between. I just want you ‘to be’ with my husband for the night.”
I told them that I was honored that they considered me for something like this and I hoped I wouldn’t disappoint them.
“Will showed us ALL the good pics, and there’s nothing disappointing there,” Dave said. We laughed, finished our coffees, and made plans while going over details.
Friday night, I got to their apartment and let myself in as Dave polatlı escort was still prepping in the shower and David couldn’t get to the door easily for obvious reasons. Their apartment was sparsely furnished, probably intentionally arranged that way to allow David’s chair to get around more easily. On the walls were pictures of them together from less complicated times; pictures from a cruise, photos from their first Pride together, and even pictures of the two of them running a Bay To Breakers fun-run dressed as Calvin and Hobbes. All these memories from a time when they probably never imagined that today would look like today.
“Hey there, nosy, ” Dave greeted me as he came around the corner. “See, proof that I did have abs at one point in life,” he joked, pointing to the Pride photos. “We both were kinda hot, I think.”
“You were…I mean are. You know what I mean. You guys make a cute couple,” I told him. “You look so happy.”
“We were,” he said wistfully before catching himself and forcing a smile. “We are. See, now you’ve got me doing it. So… David’s in the room already. Hope you don’t mind, but it’s going to be in the guest room since the bedroom is, well, it’s our place, if you know what I mean. Can I get you anything before though?”
“I totally understand, and I’m good, thanks,” I replied.
He led me to the room where David was already seated, facing the foot of the bed.
“How are you two feeling?” David asked.
“Honestly, a little nervous,” I told them with a wink.
“I’m a little rusty, so I’m nervous too. Nervous and excited,” Dave said. “How about you, hon?”
“Ready…and excited…but not nervous,” David said with a warm smile to his husband.
Dave bent down, kissed his husband on the lips, then turned to me. “Now…time to unwrap.”
He stripped me naked, slowly and deliberately so that they could both enjoy the view. He pulled my briefs down and let my cock flop out. Inches away from his face, he took a deep whiff and sighed. “Holy fuck that smells good. You should smell,” he said, as he pushed me over to where David sat. I got close and dangled my cock under his nose like a sommelier presenting a cork.
David closed his eyes, inhaled, and smiled. “Smells like I imagined it would.”
I walked back to where Dave was kneeling and stood in front of him. Dave looked at his husband and asked a question without saying a word.
“Go ahead, hon. You can suck his dick if you want to,” David answered pursaklar escort with a smile.
Dave may have admitted to being rusty, but it sure seemed like it was coming back to him quickly. He would close his eyes and get lost in his own pleasure for a while before opening them and looking at his husband. He might have been sucking my dick, but it was his husband that he was thinking about.
We eventually moved to the bed where Dave got on all fours and presented his ass to me while facing his husband. He may have been 20 years older than me, but his ass could compete with the best of them. I got behind him and began to rim him. This setup allowed David to watch Dave’s face as I loosened and brought his hole to life with my tongue. It also reinforced that this was not about performing for an audience, but was about giving pleasure to someone so that their partner could witness it all through their facial expression.
When he was ready, Dave opened the condom packet and began trying to put the condom on. Unfortunately, I’m used to magnums and the regular-sized ones they had just felt too constrictive. Yes, they stretch, but it’s as comfortable as wrapping a rubber band around your finger and cutting off the circulation.
“Those were the only ones I bought,” Dave apologized as he rummaged through the drawer by the bedside.
“Hon, just ask him and explain why to him,” David said.
There was an awkward pause so I asked what they were talking about.
“David and I were monogamous so we never really used condoms. We were wondering…I was wondering…if you were okay…you don’t have to, but…”
“I’m negative and I’m okay with not using a condom, if that’s what you’re asking.” I smiled to them both. “Besides, considering the only other option is a lack of circulation to my cock with those tiny condoms, I’m more than okay with this option instead.”
They both smiled back.
Dave climbed onto the bed and lowered himself onto my cock reverse-cowboy style while facing his husband. In this moment, I realized just how long it must have been since Dave had gotten fucked since his ass gripped my cock almost as tightly as the condom. He went slowly at first, legs spread wide with his balls and dick lifted so David could see him taking my cock. His ass felt so good, I wanted to just throw him under me on the bed and pound him, but I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn’t about me, it was about them. He rode like that for sincan escort a while before turning around, straddled my cock while facing me, and leaned forward so his husband could get a good look. David may not have been able to see Dave’s face in this position, but his moans were enough to convey the pleasure he was experiencing.
We ended up switching positions a few times, all while making sure that David could have a good view of the action. After about thirty minutes of slow fucking, mid-position switch, Dave said to me, “Holy shit, are you even close?”
“Not really, but I can get there if you need. Why?” I replied with all the cockiness of a bull who knows he’s got stamina.
“Honestly, I don’t know how much more I can take. It’s good, but it’s been a while and you’re not exactly ‘warm up’-sized.”
“Gotcha. Tell you what. I’ll cum when you cum. Sound good?”
“Sounds good.”
We lay down on our sides facing David and I entered Dave from behind. I fucked him hard and deep, focusing on hitting his prostate as he stroked his dick. Before too long, I heard him say he was close.
“I want you to cum,” David said, and with those magic words, I felt Dave’s ass clench around my cock as he came. This immediately triggered me and I busted deep inside him. His body shook as he released what felt like not only his load, but also the months of sexual frustration he must have had pent up inside him.
As I held Dave close, catching my breath, I felt his body begin to stutter and heard him trying to hold back from breaking down. It was an emotional reaction for him, as neither of them had physically been with anyone else for the past twenty years. He was in a fragile place at this moment, but before I could comfort him, I heard David’s voice.
“Don’t be sad, hon. I’m not. I’m so glad I could be with you, here, in this moment, to experience this. Like everything else, we were together. I love you.”
Dave took a few moments, caught his breath, and exhaled. He got off the bed and knelt in front of his husband, taking his hand in his own. “I love you too, more than anything else. In sickness…”
“And in health,” David finished for him with a smile. Dave fell into his lap as David looked at me from his chair and mouthed the words, “Thank you.”
I smiled back, got dressed, and quietly left the room while the couple shared the afterglow together. My work was done; I had served my purpose.
I passed by those pictures in the hallway and realized that I had gotten it all wrong. Those might have been photos of happier times, but they weren’t the good times. The true good times are when, despite the darkness all around, you realize you have each other, and that’s more than enough light to illuminate you both.
In memory of David P. (1960 – 2008)
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